It was the evening of a summer day, in the lobby of your apartment. The sun's rays shinned bright as you cried a loud cry. Maybe just a few more minutes; I don't see you often. I cradled you in my arms as your cries grew silent. Rocking back and forth, you seemed peaceful, precious, protected. Each blink longed until you were asleep. Drool slowly eased from your mouth and onto your face. I catch it with your baby elephant bib and insert the matching pacifier. Sound asleep and pin-drop quiet; the perfect opportunity to hand you over. Your mom reached out for you and the sudden move from my arms awakened your cries. I love playing with you, and reading to you, and watching "Thomas" with you but, you have to go back to your mom and I have to go back to mine. Looking into your teary eyes made the sunny day appear less bright. Your damp, chubby cheeks touched mine as I picked you up for our last hug. Kiss and squeeze, kiss and squeeze, and release. Your cries grew louder and louder as your mom carried you into the elevator. She seemed frustrated by your cries. If I'm being honest, I wanted to cry with you but, I knew that we would soon play together, read together, and watch Thomas again. Ding. When the elevator closed, an anchor held back my tears. Not seeing you cry made it hurt less, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt at all. Those doors closed and so did our everlasting connection. I want to see him again. I need to see him again.

Years later...

Today, your mom invited me to celebrate your birthday. It's been three years since I last saw you, I guess. But it seemed longer, way longer. I could count a million times how much I've thought about you and your chubby cheeks and your matching elephant bib and pacifier set. But maybe it has been about three years. Maybe I've been thinking about you so much that time just seemed to run rapid, away from me. But three years! You could probably talk and walk by now; I used to help you with that. You may be able to talk and walk but, you still can't feed yourself, or open the toy bin by yourself. You're still gonna need my help with that. I can't wait to see you on Saturday so we can play, read, and finally watch Thomas again.

As Saturday morning came, I wore the pretty elephant dress that you liked. At least, I always thought you liked it since you tugged at it repeatedly. I begged my grandmother for money so I could buy that toy train you always wanted. You know, that one in the window that we used to pass by.

I was dressed, with your gift, and ready to go. While daddy was honking away at the slow cars, I daydreamed about how you would react when you saw me again. Would you be surprised to see me? Would you shout "Nally" instead of Natalie because of your adorable voice? Would you run into my arms so I could scoop you up like I used to?
"Ok Nat, we're here!" Daddy said. Your building looked the same, exactly the same, as well as your lobby and elevator. The sun too, shined the same that day. It almost felt reassuring that the universe would give me back old times. In the elevator, DING, and to the door, knock knock knock. Your mom answered.

"Hi, Natalie! I'm so glad y'all could make it. You've gotten so big and grown-up! How old are you now?" she enthusiastically asked.
"I'm ten but I'm turning eleven soon," I said shyly.
"Wow! You are a big girl for sure!" she laughed. "Jackson is in his room playing with his friends".

Wow! You already had your own room? That's a big step. I hadn't had the guts to sleep in my own room until I was five. If you have your own room now, what else changed? I stood silently, thinking.

"Oh, it's right down the hall and to the left sweetie" she added as she continued to talk to Daddy. I looked down the hall which seemed miles deep. I walked slowly, took a turn at the end of the hall, opened the door, and nothing; just the bathroom.

"Oh no honey, it's this way." She guided me to your room and introduced us.

"Guess who came Jackson..." she said. I was relieved to see that you still looked the same, different but still the same.

"Hi, Jackson!" I picked you up and greeted you with excitement and kisses, but I noticed that you didn't smile that bright smile like you used to. In fact, you looked quite irritated like you wanted me to put you down. As soon as I did, you ran to your mom and hid behind her leg.
"Stop being shy. This is your sister, remember?" she asked you. You groaned and turned away as your way of replying no. No? You don't remember me? We used to eat every meal together and play with trains together and watch every episode of ‘Thomas'. How could you not remember that? Suddenly, I looked around the room and noticed that Thomas wasn't playing on your TV; instead, you were in the middle of a Ninja Turtles episode. The toys on your floor didn't look familiar either; they were Spiderman and Ironman figures. And on the table, I saw a half-eaten bowl of spaghetti as if I had just disrupted your dinner. I looked back at you to see a scared look in your eyes. A look that you used to hide behind me when you saw strangers. Is that what I was? A stranger? No! I can't be! How could I possibly be a stranger, when we used to do everything together? Well, I guess everything we did is no longer ‘your thing'; which means I'm also no longer ‘your thing'. I looked back into your eyes, your precious eyes. At that moment I knew it was all gone: our scrumptious, playful, and inseparable bond was destroyed.

I returned to the living room to sit at the ninja turtle themed table by the window. Gazing outside, I watched the sun's rays become dull in the clouds. It looked like it was going to rain, but it turns out it was just my heart's cries that dimmed the light.